Healing Her Heart
by XxNikixX
Summary: Bella has suffered a life changing loss, and finds that she can't stay in Forks any longer. When she moves to the sunny shores of San Diego with her daughter, and meets a Cullen will her life turn around? Rated M for mature content in later chapters. AH.
1. Losing Him

**Disclaimer**: I do not own Twilight, I just play with the characters.

**AN**: Alright, so this story is about loss, love, and learning to find yourself again. It's a bit slow going in the Edward/Bella romance department, but hey, you don't just meet your soul mate and jump into wedding bliss in real life do ya? And yes, I know this chapter is short, but it's just the introduction. Read on!!

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I felt helpless as I sat there, looking down at the sleeping child in my arms. I had never thought that this was how my life would turn out. I had never imagined that I would be sitting in the waiting room of this hospital while surgeons worked tirelessly on my husband, doing everything they could to save his life. I had always been the one that he had waited for in the waiting room when I took some silly spill at the grocery store, or sliced my hand open on a broken piece of glass. I was trying desperately to be strong for the precious angel I was holding, but I could feel my resolve breaking. I could feel my heart breaking, and I knew the second those doors opened that this wasn't going to be good news.

I looked to my left and saw my husband's father talking quietly with my father and to my right there was his friends. Everyone looked as though this was some routine visit, and not the tragedy that it really was. I wanted to scream at them, and I was sure I would have if my little Rory wasn't sleeping. The tears had stopped hours ago and the blood that had stained my ivory skin and clothes had long since dried. I looked down to the ground and clutched my baby to my chest and prayed silently.

I prayed that this was all a nightmare, that none of this was real. I squeezed my eyes shut hoping that when I opened them I wouldn't be here, and that this wasn't really happening. Memories of our life together swirled around my head, and I felt a tear slip past the calm mask that I was wearing.

"Bells?" I looked up to find my father standing there with the doctor, a sad and haunted look in his eyes. Charlie was the Chief of Police and he been the first on the scene when he heard our names on the radio. "Bells, let me take Rory while you go and speak to the doctor." I nodded and gently stood up, passing my daughter to my father as though she was breakable glass.

The doctor motioned for me to follow him and I realized that he was taking me to him. I felt hopeful, and I almost smiled but I noticed that the doctor's steps were not hurried; they were slow and almost mournful. He stopped me outside of an OR, and I felt my breath stall in my lungs. "Mrs. Black I need you to understand that we did everything we could for your husband, but-"

A sound that I had never heard erupted from my throat before the doctor even finished his sentence. I knew what followed that, and I knew that just beyond those doors lay the lifeless body of Jake. I felt my throat constrict, and my heart falter. I couldn't breathe, and there were tears streaming down my face as I collapsed onto the floor of the hospital. "Please," I begged, my face buried in my hands, "this just can't be happening, there must be something you missed!"

"I'm sorry, Mrs. Black," he said, and I looked up to see the sorrow etched on his face, "But we did everything we could. There was just too much damage for us to repair." I nodded my head knowing that he was telling the truth, but that didn't stop my heart from thinking that this man was an idiot for not saving Jake. I vaguely heard him ask if I wanted to say goodbye to Jake, and I nodded my head lightly. He helped me from the floor, but my legs were too weak to hold me up. I felt the strong arms of Embry Call wrap around my waist and I looked up through blurry eyes to see the tears streaming down his copper skin too. Jake had been his best friend. I wasn't going to be only one to grieve.

When Embry carried me into the OR I felt every ounce of life I had left in me drain. There was my Jake, my loving, energetic and selfless Jake. His skin had paled, and his sparkling eyes were closed. They had covered up his body, and I found myself thankful that they had. Embry gently deposited me in a chair next to the table, and turned to leave. "Please," I managed to croak out, "don't leave me too." He nodded his head and leaned against the wall doing everything that he could to not look at Jake.

I sat there, my hand grasping his cold one, for what felt like hours. Nurses had come in, along with the coroner and I just ordered them away. I wasn't ready to let him go. I couldn't let him go. He was my husband, and I didn't know how I was going to raise Rory without him. The beautiful little girl in the waiting room was everything that he had ever wanted. I felt a fresh wave of tears overcome me, and the numbness that I had been feeling since I saw his body was gone. "How could you leave me?" My voice was little more than a whisper, but the emotion behind it was there. I felt betrayed and heartbroken and alone. "I can't do this without you, Jake. How am I supposed to do this without you!" I felt myself rise from the chair, and I draped my body over his. I wanted to be dead along with him. I should have been dead along with him. If I hadn't moved…

"God damnit Jacob Black!" I was screaming, and I was aware of Embry making his way towards me. I felt his hand on my shoulder but I slapped him away. "You promised me forever. How am I supposed to live without you?"

"Bells?"

I looked to the door and saw my father standing there. Rory was draped against him, sleeping still, and I shook my head. "Daddy…"

"I know, honey, I know." He had obviously heard me screaming, and he smiled sadly at me. "Rory needs you, Bells." I nodded my head, and I looked down at his face. I bit my lip as I tried to memorize everything about the way he looked. It was almost like he was sleeping, and that I could rouse him, but I knew his soul had moved on. His broken body was all that was left. I leaned down and gently pressed my lips to his forehead. I choked back another sob, and rushed over to my father. Taking Rory from him, he enveloped us both in his arms and I felt like a child myself instead of the 23 year old woman that I was.

"Let's go home, Bells."

"There is no home without Jake." I let him lead me out of the room and as the doors swung shut I looked back once more. I felt my breathing go ragged when the doors softly clicked shut and I knew that a part of my heart had been left in that OR with my dead husband.

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Alrighty!!

I guess…read and review please!! This is just the start, and the next chapter will be the funeral, and then in the next few chapters Edward and Alice will work their way in there. How, you ask? Well…you'll just have to wait and see won't ya?

Thanks!!

XxNikixX


	2. Saying Goodbye

**Disclaimer**: I do not own Twilight.

**AN**: Thanks to the two that reviewed! This is the last chapter in Forks, and from here on it will not be as depressing. I promise! Please, read and review! Cheers!!

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I glanced up at the sky and felt a strong urge to reach up and rip the shining sun out of the sky. When I had walked out of our home earlier that morning I laughed bitterly. Of course the sun would shine on the day of Jake's funeral. Forks was known for the rain and the lack of sunlight, but today it was as though the weather was mocking me. It had been 3 days since the accident, and I hadn't moved from my bed unless Rory needed me. She had asked for Jake, and I simply didn't know how to convey to a 2 year old that her father wasn't coming home. Her bright brown eyes shone up at me, pleading with me to get her father but all I could do was look away and try to hide my tears from her. I was thankful for my mother being here.

She had flown up from Phoenix the day after it happened and she hadn't left my side since. She tended to me as though I was a baby again, but she spoke to me like an adult. She told me that it would all be okay, and even though I wanted to believe her I couldn't. I glanced over at her, and she smiled sadly at me, the sentiment not quite reaching her eyes. I cradled Rory to me and I rested my head against hers as she lay against my chest. I could feel the eyes of everyone on me and in any normal setting I was sure that I would have been blushing. My father was seated next to me, and on his other side sat Billy Black.

I glanced at him through the dark sunglasses that I was wearing and noticed that he looked as though he hadn't slept in 3 days. He probably reflected the way I looked. Jake had been my best friend, and my first love. I wasn't sleeping well, and I wasn't coping well. But how could I? I hadn't known life without Jake since I was a freshman in high school, when I first moved here. Most of the families from the La Push reservation were here, and so were some of our mutual friends. Mike Newton was here with his wife, and Tyler Crowley had flown in from New York. He and Jake had become close while we dated.

When the minister started speaking the quite whispers halted, and everyone listened intently. I couldn't bring myself to listen to the words he was saying. He didn't know Jake. He would never know anything about him other than what people had written down and told him. My eyes slowly traveled over to the edge of the cliff we were gathered on, and I smiled sadly. Jake had asked that his ashes be spread over the cliff, from the highest point. When I had asked him why he wanted that he had told me it was because it was where he first realized he fell in love with me. We had even had our wedding reception in this spot. It was fitting that the next life altering event takes place here too.

I wasn't sure how long I sat there staring out at the large body of water, but I was suddenly aware of everyone staring at me. The tears were flowing freely down my face as I looked back at them. The minister had stopped speaking, and I looked to see Billy holding a beautiful wreath of flowers in front of me, along with Jake's ashes. I couldn't muffle the anguished sob that escaped from me, and I shook my head. I couldn't do it. I couldn't spread his ashes over the side of this cliff because I knew that the moment I did I would be more broken than I already was. Rory was patting my chest, trying desperately to get my attention and wriggle free of the grasp I had on her. Biting my lower lip I let out a shaky breath and lifted her from my lap before standing. Billy handed my daughter the wreath of flowers and me the urn. "It's alright Bella," he whispered, pulling me into a hug, "you will see him again."

All I could do was nod my head and move towards the edge of the cliff. The congregation of people followed us, and I noticed that they too were holding flower wreaths similar to the one Rory was clutching. I took her small hand in mine as she walked quietly next to me. I could hear the people around me telling Jake that they would miss him as the dropped their wreaths over the edge. I could hear his father tell him that he would always love him. I saw Rory look around as people said her fathers name, almost as though she was expecting him to appear. And she probably was because I didn't know a two year old that could comprehend what death was. I clutched the urn to my chest, and closed my eyes. There was so much that I wanted to say, and so much that I wanted to do with him…

"This isn't fair," I whispered, my voice being carried away with the wind, "This isn't how our life was supposed to go Jacob Black. How is Rory going to remember you? How am I going to…live?" I felt my mother wrap her arm around my shoulders, but I brushed her off. I needed this moment for me. I didn't want to share these words with anyone else. I stepped forward, the gravel beneath me sliding and pushing pieces of dirt off the edge. "I have always loved you, Jake, and I don't know how to love without you here. I don't know how to do this without you."

Looking up at the sky as clouds started to roll in from the east, I started to cry again. I was lost. Gently removing the lid from the urn, I passed it to Billy. Before I dipped my hand into the remains of my husband I pressed my lips to the side of the urn. "I love you, Jake." Delicately reaching in while I sobbed, I pulled out a handful of ashes and tossed them into the air over the edge of the cliff. I watched as the wind picked up the pieces of my husband and danced with them before spreading them over the water. I repeated tossing the ashes until they were gone and the front of my black dress was stained with tears. I was broken, and I was sure that I would never be fixed.

"Goodbye Jacob," I said, as I slowly turned to follow everyone else away from the cliff.

We were back at the home that Jake and I had built together, and I was in pieces. I sat in the living room chair that he had begged me to let him buy even though I hated it while people discussed the latest gossip and what they were up to. It was as if the world was oblivious to the fact that my heart was torn into a million little pieces. My mother had been kind enough to arrange the catering for the memorial at my house, and I was vaguely aware of someone announcing that the slideshow of Jacob was about to begin. People shuffled into the living room, some standing and others sitting around me, while my father turned the lights down and shut the blinds.

And then it began.

Pictures of Jake as a baby moved across the screen, slowly transitioning to when he was a small child. There were a few pictures of him and me playing First Beach as kids. The next to follow were pictures of pre-teen Jacob on fishing trips with his father, and I felt my stomach drop. I knew what was coming next. A picture of Jake and me when we were dating in high school showed up, and many more followed; our homecoming picture, our prom picture, our first date, our first hike, and our graduation picture. This was just more proof that Jake was apart of me, and that I hadn't existed without him for a long time. And then our wedding picture played across the screen and I damn near lost it. Tears were falling from my eyes like hail, and I wanted to look away but I couldn't. It wasn't until a picture of Jake holding Rory right after she was born showed up that I got up and fled to the guest bedroom.

I hadn't stepped foot in our room since he died. I couldn't do it. There was a knock at the door, but I didn't answer it. I didn't want to see anyone and I didn't want their pity. "Bells?" It was Charlie. I heard the soft click of the door being opened and then shut again and a shift on the bed. "Honey, please, talk to me."

"I don't know what to do dad," I said, moving to lay my head on his lap. I felt like a broken hearted teenager that had just lost her first love. Which, without the teenager part, I had. Jake had been my first love. I had never lost anyone so close to me. "It feels like I can't breathe, and I don't want to eat. I keep expecting him to come walking through the door, and when he doesn't it kills me that much more."

"I know baby," he said, stroking my back as I continued to cry. We sat there for what felt like hours, and I was grateful that he let me sit here in silence. I wasn't sure when but at some point I fell asleep there with my father, and when I woke up I wept even harder because Rory would never get to have her father comfort her like mine just had.

The days blurred into one another and soon became weeks. The weeks slowly turned into months, and I found that I could survive without him, but I had to work hard at it. Embry had become my new best friend, and I was thankful that he had been so good to us. He had packed away Jake's clothes for me, and removed everything that was too painful for me to look at. It wasn't long before I fell back into the routine of school, work and taking care of Rory. Everywhere we went, Rory and I, people looked at us like we were different. It was though Jake's death had changed the way people perceived us. They were nicer, and I could tell that they were walking on glass when we were around. We needed a change, and we needed one soon.

**Three Years Later**

"Mommy!"

I turned around, smiling at my little girl as she came bounding down the stairs of my fathers house. She was smiling, and laughing as Charlie chased her down the stairs and into the kitchen. "Mommy! Mommy!" She threw herself around my legs, wrapping her arms around them. "I missed you all day but me and grandpa had fun coloring the walls."

"Coloring the walls?" I looked up at my father, one eyebrow raised in question, and then back down to my daughter. "What did you color on the walls?"

"Nothing much Bells," Charlie answered, "I was just painting your old room, and I figured it should be Rory's room for when you come back and visit us." I knew that my father was sad that we were moving, but he knew more than anyone else that staying here was just too painful for us. It had been three years, but all it took was one second to bring back the torment that Jake's death had caused me.

"I painted flowers on the wall!" Rory's eyes were lit up with excitement, and I laughed with her. She dove into all the details of her new room as she bounced around the kitchen. Rory and I had been staying with my father since my house sold two weeks ago, but we were leaving in two days. The house had sold quicker than we expected but it was good because my new job needed me sooner than we originally planned. "I'm gonna miss you grampa Charlie." I looked over to see Rory sitting on Charlie's lap and I smiled softly. They had grown close since Jake's death, and I almost felt guilty for moving her away from him.

"I'm going to miss you too angel." Charlie pressed a kiss to her temple, and I turned away not wanting to interrupt his time with her. Dinner was almost done, and I quickly pulled the lasagna out of the oven before popping the bread in to warm it. Ten minutes later we were sitting around the table laughing and enjoying dinner when my cell phone rang. I glanced down at the caller ID unsure who was calling me. "Excuse me."

"Hello?"

"_Is this Isabella Black?" _I grimaced at the use of Jake's last name.

"Yes," I said, "Who is this?"

"_This is Maggie Watson; I'm calling to let you know that the offer you put in on the house has been accepted. When you come down to our office to sign the papers?"_ A house! I had been worried that Rory and I were going to have to stay in an apartment once we moved, but this was fantastic news!

"I can be there in the morning around ten," I answered, smiling up at my father. We quickly said our goodbyes as I sat back down, and I beamed at my daughter. "We have a new house!" Two days passed by faster than I would have liked, and we were standing outside of the airport with Charlie and Billy. All of our belongings had been shipped to the new house, and I hoped that they reached there before we did.

"Bella," said Billy, taking my hands, "I've always thought of you as a daughter, so if you need anything don't hesitate to ask. I gave Rory my phone number so she can call me when ever she wants to." He gently kissed my cheek before moving to Rory, and I thanked him.

"I'm gonna miss you Bells," said Charlie, stepping up to hug me. Charlie and I were never one for heartfelt goodbyes, but today was different. "You take care of yourself, and don't forget that you always have a home here. I love you, and you take care of Rory."

"I will dad," I said, kissing his cheek before taking Rory's hand. We waved goodbye as we entered the airport, and headed towards the reception desk. I got us checked in quickly, and our bags checked. We moved through security swiftly, and headed towards our gate.

I glanced down at our tickets as they called out our flight to begin boarding, and gripped the little hand I was holding tighter. It was now or never. I handed the tickets to the flight attendant, and she smiled at us. "One way?" she said, making conversation as she scanned the barcode, "San Diego sure is a change of scenery."

"It is," I said, smiling at her as she handed up back the stubs. San Diego was going to be our new home.

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**And that does it for Forks! I hope you liked it, and please review! Reviews = love.**

**xx**

**XxNikixX**


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